Today hasn’t been all that great, really. It’s been a ‘bad day’.
All day, I’ve had an annoying little niggling voice in the back of my head: “You’re fat,” it says, “Your boyfriend is going to dump you – you don’t deserve him,” “Your family won’t cope without you when you go to university.” Stuff like that.
Okay so I have this little voice saying all that stuff and more quite a lot, but today it was especially loud. I knew that before I’d even gotten out of bed that today would be a little more difficult than usual.
I was down a lot – sure, I laughed, but then at around lunch time I just straight-out crashed. I couldn’t get comfortable, I couldn’t concentrate. Everything was annoying me, or making me upset or stressed. I got up, went to the loo and burst into tears.
In credit to Jake [my boyfriend], when I got back sat down and proceeded to burst into tears again – and then cry for about 20 minutes – he was lovely and calming.
I won’t go into what’s bothering me right now, because it’s a fairly long list, but it was a lot. A lot of it is just menial worrying, and although I feel I have a right to panic about some of it, I can’t actually do much about over half of the list. So, as a Stoic would say, why bother?
It’s not like I can just forget about everything, but now that I’ve got it all out, I can think about it more calmly. Make a game plan. Keep my chin up. Keep my friends close and tell my enemies to go away and all that.
So that’s what I’m going to try and do. Keep on swimming, eh? Keep on afloat. Head above water. Okay, that’s enough supposedly motivating quips for the day.
When you’re struggling to cope, it feels as if you are completely and utterly defeated by everything, but that’s not true – or even if it is, you’re not on your own to fight it. I knew that already, but sometimes it’s a relief to be reminded of it – even if it comes around in a difficult manner.
A bad day, after all, doesn’t mean a bad life.
Okay, that really is enough of the motivational quips – for now (mwhahaha).